The 8 Stages of Dating You Must Master

Apr 13, 2023

Phase One: Attraction

Our relationships first begin when we set eyes on our new person, although we haven’t started dating yet, we feel an undeniable pull towards this enchanting new person. We like their style, and overall vibe and are very much into most parts of their personality.

You may feel brave enough to walk up and introduce yourself, who knows? You might even start flirting, dropping a compliment here and there to gauge if their attraction levels are the same as yours.

In 2023, this initial stage will most likely not even take place in person. Many people meet someone new on social media or through a dating app. What matters here though is you remember how all of this feels or felt and you lean into undeniable emotions and cloud yourself in the moment whilst maintaining a healthy balance of wise pragmatism.

Starting a new relationship is like a game of poker. You’re trying to read your opponent’s hand while also keeping your own cards close to your chest. So what do you have to lose?

Nothing.

Put your cards on the table reveal your hand and deal with what happens. if you’re on the fence about your dating intentions that’s exactly where you’ll stay.

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” — Carl Jung

Phase Two: Learning all about them

Once you’re attracted to someone you usually end up feeling the desire to learn more about them. You want to know how they came to be so awesome and what their background was like. With a rich sense of reciprocity and mutual admiration, the early stages of dating feel iconic.

Most of the time, you’ll discover more about this person through conversation, and sometimes you might be a little sneaky and learn more about them after checking out their social media profiles.

A study published in the journal Social Cognition found that people are more likely to perceive others as attractive when they share similar beliefs, values, and interests. So finding out more about a person’s background and interests can increase attraction. You have to learn to dig deep with these questions and release yourself from the clutches of surface levels questions. Ask things like this :

What is your biggest fear in life, and how do you deal with it?
How do you typically spend your free time, and what are your favorite activities?
What are your long-term goals and aspirations, both personally and professionally?
How do you handle conflict or difficult situations in your life, and what strategies do you find helpful?
What are your core values and beliefs, and how do they influence the way you live your life?
How do you approach communication in relationships, and what are your expectations for open and honest dialogue?
What are your favorite books, movies, or TV shows, and what do you enjoy most about them?
What is your favorite travel destination, and why do you love it so much?
How do you typically handle stress or pressure, and what helps you to feel more relaxed and calm?
What are your favorite childhood memories, and how have they shaped who you are today?

Getting all this information helps us decide whether or not they’re a good fit.

Phase Three: Comfort & Trust

Building comfort and fostering trust has to be a critical phase you feel like you have gone through, in an article published by Oxford’s department of experimental psychology. Trust was identified as a major stage in all relationships.

This is when both partners start to let their guards down and try to explore their vulnerabilities and emotions to see if the relationship might be stable and sustainable in the future to really stand the test of time.

Building comfort and trust is a natural consequence of something called the “Propinquity effect”. The propinquity effect is the tendency for people to form romantic relationships with those whom they encounter often, forming a bond between subject and friend. When dating interactions are frequent this frequent interaction is often a key indicator as to why close relationships can readily form in a consistent dating environment. This is exactly why consistency and keeping the momentum going will be key in any dating interaction.

In this phase, partners should be displaying honesty, non-violence, and forgiveness. Interestingly, Oxford researchers stated that physical touch is incredibly effective when it comes to building trust.

Phase Four: Actively dating each other

What I always find funny is people who spend all this time and money trying to wow and win someone over, then when they succeed and both parties are in a relationship. They stop doing the things that brought them together. They essentially stopped dating.

You must develop a comfortable rhythm of dating and consistently enjoy each other’s company by participating in the things you both love. Thoughtful and consistent dates mean that both partners build a stronger connection based on mutual interests, trust, and attraction. By the end of this stage, you’ll be comfortable with being vulnerable around any activity you both pursue together.

Phase Five: Intimacy and Seduction

According to an Oxford study, seduction is one of the final stages of a relationship. This is where we truly open ourselves to the possibility of passionate intimacy. I don’t mean a hook-up or an amazing sex session where you both know what you’re doing. But I mean intimacy in its truest form ultimate sexual trust.

According to Oxford researchers, women need more time to develop this emotional connection. When compared to men. This makes so much sense, most men subconsciously know women need more time that’s why most men will ghost after a one-night stand cause scientifically, it shouldn’t have happened that quickly.

Keep in your pants for a few dates, PLEASE.

When most people have reached this stage, we stop thinking of ourselves as singular beings. We begging to feel a deeper sense of connectivity and start to become one with our partners. We feel their emotions and understand their experiences on a deeper level as if they were her own. The depth of empathy begins to deepen to the very core of both of your souls.

Phase Six: The Rose-Tinted Honeymoon Phase

For the first six months or so, everything seems new, and a relationship and love seem like the best thing since sliced bread!

This could be explained by scientific studies. Researchers tested nerve growth factors and cortisol levels. They found that couples within the first few months of a relationship have fairly high cortisol levels resulting in feelings of euphoria.

But when they tested those same levels, 12 to 24 months later levels had presented lower. This suggested relationships are only truly tested after stage 6. This is why it’s advised to wait at least a year to 2 years before you put a ring on anyone’s finger.

Phase 7: Doubt?

This is the make-or-break stage for relationship doubts. It’s not unusual for doubts to start to creep in after a few years. This is because at this point it’s basically “shit or get off the pot”. You’ve invested this much time, what will you both do with it? But be of good courage, making it this far is a real accomplishment.

The biggest hurdle you have is to overcome or succumb to all of these doubts. If you want the relationship to succeed, you or your partner might start worrying about the unknown future, their individual career paths and interests, and whether or not you both fit into all of this. Have a conversation about your doubts be honest and lean into opening up.

It will become obvious during this stage and in this current age of social media, it’s very easy to start comparing our own relationships to other perfect couples we see online.

DON’T DO THIS!

This makes the stage of doubts, even tougher to get to the final stage of pure commitment and stability.

Phase 8: Commitment and Stability (Marriage/Life long partners)

Once you reach this stage, your life takes on a whole new evolution. After many, many years, you are completely in love with each other, you know, each other better than any other person on earth. And you regularly find yourself predicting each other’s actions and knowing what to say, to cover your partner during stressful times.

Most importantly, you don’t take each other for granted. You’re happy with the direction, and the relationship, and you might even start building projects and creating things together.

Who knows, maybe a family.

Never take any of these stages for granted, communicate regularly, and make sure you’re both on the same page.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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