How to Date Casually Without Getting Attached

Do you find it excruciatingly difficult to date casually, or do you want a casual relationship but feel guilty because it’s not “serious”? It’s time to put your shame over dating aside and learn how to date casually without getting attached. With the right mindset and these steps, you will avoid enduring a terrible breakup or tangled web of feelings.

So get ready for a long Ted Talk on how to successfully navigate the waters of romantic relationships without ever dating someone too well.

STEP 1: STOP TRYING TO DATE THE RIGHT PERSON

This might sound like a no-brainer, but it’s not. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to look for Mr. or Miss Right to establish a healthy, stable relationship. You can date someone who isn’t the “right” person — which is why the ideal romantic partner doesn’t exist! Just because you think you’re looking for someone perfect doesn’t mean that he or she isn’t out there…it just means he or she isn’t the right person for you.

If you’re still unsure what I mean, think of it this way: When you order food at a restaurant, do you look at the menu and order something good for your body? Or do you go straight to the donut section and eat five donuts? Dating is the same way. People tend to choose someone who appears “good” on paper when it comes to dating. The problem is we tend to look for the wrong “ingredients” — like compatibility in terms of personality or physical attraction — but having these things will not make your romantic relationship any healthier or more stable.

If you want to date casually and remain casual, start looking for someone who shares similar hobbies and interests. If you both like to hike and read, you could take a hiking trip every weekend. If you both love to cook, then go out for a nice meal together once a week. Even if they make bad jokes, you can still find humor in their quips and witty banter. You don’t need someone perfect…you need someone who makes you happy.

STEP 2: DON’T BE AFRAID OF COMMITMENT

This is one of the biggest misconceptions about being casual. Going on a date with someone you’re casually involved with doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to “get attached.” If someone is really “the one,” these types of relationships will tend to be more complicated, and more complicated doesn’t equal better. If you’re not dating “the right person,” — then you don’t need to get attached.

Also, the days of hooking up and becoming sexually involved with someone immediately is over. While some people might want a hook-up, most people would be much happier if they weren’t pressured into sex on the first date or having sex before they feel emotionally vulnerable. In fact, in a casual relationship where you’re not looking for love, you can have sex without attachment. You are free to enjoy yourself without feeling the pressure to fall in love with someone after having sex.

You have to ask yourself why you’re afraid of commitment or what “loving someone” even means. The truth is most people are afraid of commitment because they don’t trust themselves to be faithful, or they see marriage or relationships as a “trap.

If you’re afraid of rejection or having your heartbroken, then you probably don’t want a relationship, period. But if you can understand that casual relationships are not serious, then being in one won’t be as scary. Once you get used to the idea of dating casually without getting attached to the person, you’ll realize it’s all worth it in the end.

STEP 3: THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP RATHER THAN THE OTHER PERSON

Many people think that because they’re interested in someone, it means that they’re “in love.” The truth is, if you are genuinely attracted to someone, then it doesn’t mean you’ve fallen for them. You don’t need to love a person to have a healthy relationship or get attached. Many people have relationships before they fall in love and find out later that the relationship is not sustainable because the love wasn’t there.

To have a healthy relationship, you need to focus on what makes you happy rather than what makes them happy. If hanging out with someone makes you happy, don’t feel bad! The idea of casual relationships is that both people are comfortable and have nothing to lose. You’re not in a competition with anyone, so stop comparing yourself or your relationship to others.

Everyone has their flaws, but when you have a casual relationship, you’re both trying to ignore each other. If you try hard enough, you can make a person pass off as “perfect.” The truth is that everyone is flawed, and that’s what makes us human. You don’t need to concern yourself with someone else’s imperfections and don’t need to be overly critical of them.

You are allowed to have your flaws and, in turn, not be judged for them.

STEP 4: DON’T COMPLICATE THINGS

In the world of dating, the less complicating factors involved in a relationship, the better. As I mentioned earlier, casual relationships are meant to be uncomplicated. Don’t try to blend your friends, family, and significant others into one. Instead, make your dating life as simple as possible by keeping it separate from all of these other aspects of your life.

So if your friends and family want to know what you’re doing, just tell them. If they ask you how things are going, don’t try to deflect the question or make it seem like everything is rosy. Be honest and let them know how your casual relationship is going. You don’t need to open up about every little detail regarding your romantic life with someone you’re casually involved with.

In addition, don’t make excuses for the person you’re casually involved with, even if they are going through something difficult. If they’re having personal challenges that make it impossible to spend time with you, then tell them straight up. Don’t think you can “fix” their problems. If they lie to you or lead you on, tell them how you feel about them. Don’t be afraid! Just remember that in a casual relationship, both people are supposed to be comfortable and happy all the time. If they’re not happy, then it’s your choice to walk away.

Any relationship can only be healthy if both people are able and willing to work together.

STEP 5: KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO YOURSELF

If you’re dating someone casually, you need to keep your relationship with that person to yourself. This means no sharing information about him or her with your friends or family. The only exception is if you are both in the same social circle. While keeping a private relationship means running the risk of being criticized for being “secretive,” it’s worth it to know that you can trust someone and keep your relationship as uncomplicated as possible.

Even if you are only interested in a casual relationship, pictures of you having fun with someone can have unintended consequences. It can confuse your friends and family if they see you with someone who isn’t your significant other. In addition, don’t post photos or share details on social media that can make things more complicated.

If you’re worried about people finding out about your relationship, then don’t post anything at all. Also, stay away from any kind of relationship status on social media. When you tell the world that something has happened to you, it doesn’t make it feel more “real.” It just makes you vulnerable to criticism from people who don’t know the situation or aren’t even involved in your life.

STEP 6: DON’T EXPECT THEM TO CHANGE

As I mentioned earlier, causal relationships should be uncomplicated. That means that you shouldn’t have to try to change the person you’re dating. They have their own lives, and you have your own lives, so don’t expect them to do anything for you or change in any way. If they’re not willing to do something for you, then that’s fine. It was probably too much for them to begin with.

The key to a successful casual relationship has a partner who is content with the way things are. If they’re not happy, then it’s not going to be a healthy relationship for you. For example, if you only have time on the weekends to spend time with someone and that time is important for them because of their job, you’re going to have to respect their feelings. Either find another time that works for both of you during the week or just walk away from the situation with no hard feelings.

Also, don’t get too attached to someone whose schedule doesn’t accommodate “date nights.” Sure, you have now had an excuse to tuck your boo in bed and make out with them, but that doesn’t mean you “love” them. If they’re not willing to treat you like a priority and make time for you and your relationship, then it’s probably best if you move on.

STEP 7: DON’T EXPECT THINGS TO GET COMPLICATED

Did you know that some couples stay in casual relationships because they are afraid to get emotionally and physically involved? They don’t want to admit that they are the only ones feeling something. It’s easy to pretend that the two of you are just friends, but when things get more serious, you’re going to have to face your feelings.

Emotionally, people tend to act on their emotions without thinking. Even though you might be developing feelings for someone who is only in a casual relationship with you, the chances are that they are not feeling the same way. If they’re not, it’s time to take a step back and get some perspective.

It can be difficult to walk away from something you’ve invested so much time and energy in, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Sometimes, you have to realize that it’s not what you want and that it will not work out.

STEP 8: BE RESPECTFUL

The last thing you want is for your relationship to fall apart. If things don’t develop between the two of you, then try to remember that there is a human being who has feelings. If things don’t work out, be respectful. Not only will it make you look good, but it will also maintain your reputation.

If you decide to head back to the relationship, be respectful and make a clean break. Don’t rush into things or let things get messy. If you are the one who has moved on and is looking for another relationship, then don’t try to convince them to see other people. If they have feelings for someone else, then they should realize that it’s time for them to move on as well.

STEP 9: IT’S OKAY TO FORGET

If you’re no longer interested in a casual relationship, the best thing to do is forget about it and move on. There’s nothing wrong with “going back to being single.” It feels better not being pressured into anything and having time for yourself. If you only have time for one person and that person isn’t willing to commit, then it’s better to be alone than in a relationship that doesn’t work out.

Finally, don’t get hung up on casual relationships that aren’t going anywhere. It’s okay to have some fun and have a few good times in your life. Just keep it simple and enjoy the ride! Even if things don’t last, you will still have memories that you’ll be able to look back on with pride.

Have you ever been in a casual relationship? How did it work out for you? Let us know and share your experience!

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Previously Published on medium

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