Your cart

Can Casual Sex Turn Into a Serious Relationship?

From https://www.askmen.com/dating/player_100/109_love_games.html">one-night stands to ongoing “https://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_150/153_love_secrets.html">friends with benefits” agreements, casual sex is pretty commonplace nowadays. And while there’s certainly nothing wrong with purely physical connections, it’s not uncommon to catch some feels for your fuck buddy, either.

If you’re currently dealing with this conundrum, you may be wondering: Can https://www.askmen.com/sex/casual-sex.html">casual sex ever turn into a relationship? And if so, how are you supposed to transition a no-strings-attached situation into something more?

Experts say there are no rules in the modern dating world for how things should or can progress. Just because you start off by sleeping with someone doesn’t mean you’re romantically doomed. In other words, casual sex can turn into a relationship—with some caveats, of course.

RELATED: https://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_300/398_love_tip.html">Here’s How to Find Casual Sex Partners

Here’s what to know about making the leap.

Can You Turn Casual Sex Into a Relationship?

“If a couple is open to exploring a deeper connection, casual sex can evolve into a significant and enduring relationship,” says Lisa Lawless, a psychotherapist, sex and relationships expert, and founder of https://www.holisticwisdom.com/" target="_blank">Holistic Wisdom. “This is more likely to occur if you have https://www.askmen.com/dating/relationship_advice/psychologist-approved-ways-to-improve-your-communication-skills.html">good communication, honesty, and shared values and goals.”

There’s research to back this up, too. According to a https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100823185415.htm" target="_blank">2010 study, couples who become sexually involved first end up in equally happy, high-quality relationships as those who date first and delay sex.

Another https://www.rochester.edu/newscenter/cut-to-the-chase-can-sex-help-start-a-relationship-355062/" target="_blank">2019 study found that sex may actually play a huge role in closeness and bonding — helping potential partners to forge a deeper emotional attachment. This held true for both men and women in the study. Researchers noted that this may have to do with the fact that the same parts of the brain that light up in response to sexual desire are the ones that are activated in response to romantic love.

“Sexual desire may play a causally important role in the development of relationships,” said study author and social psychologist Gurit Birnbaum. “It’s the magnetism that holds partners together long enough for an attachment bond to form.”

According to https://lilithfoxx.com/" target="_blank">Lilithfoxx, a sexologist and relationship/intimacy educator, the key to this transition lies in open communication.

It’s also important to keep in mind that not all hookups have the potential to be something more — and you need to be upfront about your expectations from the get-go, or you’re more likely to get hurt.

“Nobody should ever go into a casual sex situation assuming that casual sex will turn into a relationship,” explains Emma Mankey Hidem, dating expert, founder of https://thesunnyside.love/" target="_blank">The Sunnyside, and creator/host of https://www.gameshowoflove.com/" target="_blank">The Game Show of Love.

Is It Common for Casual Sex to Turn Into a Relationship?

A https://www.match.com/cpx/en-us/match/SinglesInAmerica_2016" target="_blank">2016 Match survey found that one-quarter of singles have turned a one-night stand into a long-term relationship. So, while it may not happen for everyone, it’s actually not all that uncommon.

“This is quite common — or at least not as stigmatized — in alternative sexuality communities, LGBTQ+, and other cultures,” says Lilithfoxx.

“However,” she adds, “if we're just addressing the dominant culture and do acknowledge that the concept is a bit out of the norm, the thing to keep in mind is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with consenting adults sharing and experiencing intimacy.”

RELATED: https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-know-if-hooking-up-is-right-for-you-and-your-mental-health.html">How to Know If Hooking Up Is Right for You and Your Mental Health

“That does not inherently devalue anyone or the potential of a relationship that expands outside of that initial sexual dynamic,” Lilithfoxx adds.

Dos & Don’ts for Turning Casual Sex Into a Relationship

So, you’re developing feelings for your sex partner and you want to see if your relationship can grow into something more than just pure physical pleasure, what now?

RELATED: https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-turn-a-fling-into-a-relationship.html">Here’s How to Turn a Fling Into a Relationship

Here’s what experts advise:

Do Set Expectations Early

The sooner you communicate that you’re hoping for something more, the better, says Hidem. Sure, it may https://www.askmen.com/dating/relationship_advice/the-benefits-of-embracing-vulnerability.html">feel vulnerable — and downright scary — but this way, you won’t get in too deep with someone who may not reciprocate your feelings.

Don’t Expect Them to Change Their Mind

If your partner clearly stated that they don’t want or aren’t capable of anything more than no-strings-attached sex, Hidem recommends taking them at their word. Entering into a casual sex understanding while secretly hoping that your partner will come around and want something more is a recipe for emotional disaster.

Do Get Clear on Your Feelings First

“Before you reveal your feelings to someone, it’s a good idea to ask yourself if you are getting caught up in the physical passion of things or if you genuinely want a romantic relationship with this person,” says Lawless. “Determine if you are https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/top-10-ways-to-know-if-you-re-compatible.html">compatible with one another. For example, do you share common interests, emotional needs, values, and goals? It is essential for you to share these things because they are the foundation of any relationship.”

Don’t Pressure Them to Decide

After telling your partner that you want something more, it’s a good idea to give them some time to process their own feelings.

“Be patient and don't push your partner to make a decision,” says Lilithfoxx. This takes the pressure off them and ensures that you’ll get a more honest and authentic response.

RELATED: https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-define-a-relationship-without-ruining-it.html">How to Define a Relationship Without Ruining It

Do Try Testing the Waters

If you’re not quite ready to communicate your feelings, Hidem suggests doing something that falls beyond the boundaries you have established for casual sex — for example, asking them out on an actual date, introducing them to friends, buying them a small gift, or seeing if they’re down to sleep over after you hook up.

“See how they react,” she says. If they react negatively, that might mean they want to keep things casual. But if they react positively, there’s definitely a chance that they might be open to something more.

Don’t Play Mind Games

Don’t expect your partner to know how you feel, and don’t try to manipulate them into telling you what you want to hear. “If you feel this is a healthy match for you, avoid https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/mind-games-in-relationships-what-they-look-like-how-to-avoid-them.html">gameplaying and communicate your feelings and intentions honestly,” says Lawless.

Do Set Boundaries

“You must respect what the other person consents to, as well as honor your own feelings and boundaries,” Lilithfoxx says. If you want to be in a relationship but they don't, it’s crucial to consider whether or not you’re emotionally capable of continuing your sexual encounters.

Don’t Have “the Talk” in the Bedroom

If and when you are ready to share your feelings with your partner, Lilithfoxx suggests doing so in a neutral space that’s not sexually charged.

“During sexual encounters, you have a lot of endorphins, oxytocin, and other hormones that can affect your capacity to give and receive authentic consent,” she explains. “It's best to have these conversations outside of the bedroom and not while you're https://www.askmen.com/sex/sex-tips/what-you-should-know-about-sexual-aftercare.html">cuddling after sex. Ensuring that all parties are on an equal level to negotiate boundaries and consent is essential.”

Do Consider the Consequences

Before letting your casual sex partner know how you feel about them, Hidem suggests asking yourself one big question: What will happen if they don’t want the same thing? Will you be able to keep having sex, or will you have to break ties? Will this endanger your friendship? And if so, are you OK with that?

Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself

If for whatever reason your partner isn’t into the idea of pursuing a https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-maintain-a-long-term-relationship.html">more serious relationship with you, remember that’s not a reflection of your worth — but rather, simply your incompatibility. “Keep in mind they may know something about themselves that you don't,” adds Lawless. “Rejections are often not about you but about what is right for them. Be prepared to respect their decision and do something to nurture and comfort yourself after having had the courage to be vulnerable.”

You Might Also Dig:

← Back to News